I decided to start dieting on Fat Tuesday. It wasn’t intentional and luckily I don’t live in a beignet mecca like New Orleans, so it wasn’t too difficult. I know I ragged on M. Obama’s campaign against fatties, but that had nothing to do with my decision to cut carbs from my life for good — or two weeks.

You see, at work there is a table in the middle of the Newsroom where a few times a week, someone makes a carbohydrated offering. Usually it’s a doughnut or crumble cake sacrifice, other times it’s bagels and bons bons … rarely is it homemade and rarely is it worth eating. However, the ritualistic pull of the table is hard to resist. You drop copy in the box on that same table a few times a day then grab an innocent virgin slice of Giant Bakery carrot cake from the Carbuda Triangle. The cubicle gods smile upon thee.

But about once a year, I muster up the courage to try a stupid trend diet. This one is working for me pretty well, as evidenced by the dinner above*. I’m trying the grapefruit plan: 2 eggs, 2 pcs bacon for bfast, unlimited salad and protein for lunch, and unlimited veggies with protein for dinner. Add a grapefruit or grapefruit juice with every meal. The point is to snack less, consume less calories and cut carbzzz.

Most people I know hate grapefruit, but I have a good reason for loving it more than elderly Floridians. It just so happens that my elderly Floridian grandparents had a fantastic grapefruit tree in their backyard, which served as breakfast during our visits. At the Florida welcome center, our family was one of the few who took the grapefruit sample cups over the orange. Furthermore, I filmed a commercial in high school French class about a perfume called Pamplemousse, the French word for the juicy pink one. (It won first place at a competition, so clearly I had some older judges on my side.)

Let’s just hope after two weeks, my stomach lining doesn’t start a pamplemousse juice French revolution.

*Tonight’s dinner consisted of Alaskan salmon, seasoned with salt and fresh ground pepper, on a bed of creamed kale. I’ll record my starting weight once this diet starts working.